“4 Types of Sex” By Leola
Before my invocation as a pleasure priestess, I thought there were two types of sex: good sex and bad sex. Low and behold, looking back most of my sex was “bad” sex, in that my bar for “good” sex was very low – I wasn’t asking for what I really wanted, I was fuzzy on my boundaries, and, mostly, I didn’t even know what was possible.
And no wonder, I certainly didn’t receive any sacred sexual education from my parents, the church, or in school… and the boys I connected with were even more clueless than me, in most cases. I intuitively knew there was something more for me in the bedroom, which led to a glorious slut phase or two… sex-plorations, if you will.
But as time has gone one, I’ve become much more intentional about the kind of pleasure I’d like to facilitate with myself and my partners. Over time, my intimacy has naturally become more emotionally connective, pleasurable, and transformational. I didn’t have a particular framework or language to describe it until I attended an ISTA training, where they suggested 4 types of sex:
- Reproductive sex is exactly what it sounds like. It is sex with the intention of making a baby. It is my experience that reproductive sex is the most acceptable across the world. There are many religious institutions that claim reproduction should be the only motivation for sex.
- Recreational sex has the intention of enjoying bodily pleasure and passing the time. And that’s about it. Just for fun… for the orgasms. It is my experience that this is the intention for most sexual behavior.
- Restorative sex is using intimacy and life force energy to heal the body, mind, heart, or soul. Restorative sex can manifest in many different ways and heal innumerable parts of ourselves, but it all comes down to energy and emotion. Emotion is energy in motion (e-motion). When we avoid, minimize, or bottle up our e-motions, it may manifest as a dis-ease in the emotional and physical bodies. When you have restorative sex, intentionally or not, you are actively moving energy… you are inviting e-motion to release, clear, and heal. For this reason, restorative sex can be very cathartic… it can bring up past traumas… it can feel like therapy.
- Transformational sex offers the divine experience of changing your life, the way you see the world, or the ways you connect with others. Transformational sex can lead to cosmic orgasms – those in which you feel like you’ve left your body. It could also mean exploring new things in bed, like kink or new positions or connecting with more than one other person. These sorts of sex-plorations can reveal new and transformative paths to pleasure and presence, shifting the way you perceive yourself and the world.
At the end of the day, it’s my belief that there is no “right” or “wrong” intention for sex or intimacy – as long as it’s consensual for everyone involved. Yet my work involves educating individuals on the range they’re capable of. Most people operate solely within the realms of reproductive and recreational sex. Often they’ve accidentally had restorative or transformational sex, but don’t have the words for it and believe it was just luck or fate – not realizing their power to be the conscious creator of their sex life. I do not consider myself a “healer” – instead I am a mirror… a channel for the divine showing people themselves. I drop them into their bodies, evoke very clear intentions, and reconnect them to their life force energy so they can see what’s possible – so they can heal themselves.
Be safe, be love, Leola
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